This Is Your Brain On Chemo

I only have one complaint about this last chemo cycle, which is pretty good.  Usually my guts are the big issue, but they’ve kept themselves in check quite well this time.  I started acupuncture recently in an effort to help with the queasiness mostly.  I did acupuncture a few years ago in a group setting and loved it.  It was so relaxing I konked out on a recliner only to be woken up by my own snoring and some guy across the room glaring at me.  This time around I have my own room to snore away, but I’ve been a bit frustrated because I haven’t felt the same overwhelming relaxation and I haven’t fallen asleep in any of my sessions yet.  I turned a corner this week when I realized that I also haven’t nearly been as nauseous as past treatments, and while I could credit the pills I’ve been taking all along, I think this voodoo deserves some credit too.

As I mentioned though, I’m not completely off the hook.  Side effects were supposed to get worse as treatment went on, and everything seems to have piled on in the Chemobrain department.  Oof, it’s been quite a week.  I asked my boss a question yesterday and forgot most of her answer by the time I got back to my desk.   I went back later with pen and paper, told her I was severely embarrassed but I had forgotten everything.  With a huge, graceful smile she said “You brought something to take notes with this time.  Clearly you learned something from it, so let’s not worry about what you forgot”.  WHEW.  Today I had to give a pretty easy talk to some new hires and it was a disaster.   I totally blanked on what projects I work on.  Every time I spaced something I wanted to yell “I have cancer!  I’m not really this dumb!”  I won’t beat myself up about it, I know I can do better, and I doubt anyone in the audience cares or even remembers.

Tonight I misinterpreted a website posting about a colon cancer support group.  They meet the second Wednesday of the month, and are changing locations to the SCCA House, temporary housing for families from out of town/state who are here for cancer treatment.  Anita had told me they were on hold last month but I figured we were ready to rock this month and left her a message.  I called the receptionists at both SCCA and the SCCA House who both told me there was no meeting tonight, so I decided to just show up at SCCA House.  Another receptionist told me the group was meeting there next month, but not this month.  So with all that proof that there was no meeting, I did what anyone else would do: I retreated to my car for a Cancer Stakeout.  I was just nonchalantly sitting in my car looking at Facebook for half an hour, but sizing up everyone who entered the building to see if they looked like regular patients, or people who might be going to talk about cancer in their butts.   When I finally get around to writing that sitcom about being a detective, I’ll combine this storyline with one where I bring my mom to work, since this seems like something she might do.

The winner in all of this though was Monday night.  Dinner at my sister’s house.  Not once, not twice.  Three times I caught myself blowing on the salad to “cool it down”.  It was a cold salad!  I’m glad I have several weeks off of the chemo to hopefully regain my senses, otherwise I may need to look into hiring a handler.  Someone qualified to use a Tazer or an electric cattle prod.

And instead of a butt joke I’ll share the text message that made my day this week: “There’s this Drs show on at the airport bar, and these glib, handsome doctors are talking about how great life is without a colon.  Just great!”  Well, I’ll find out soon enough.