Party In The SCCA

First Chemo!

My day started in my oncologist’s office, and this time I brought my parents.  Since the most soul shattering thing one can do is make their parents cry under any circumstance, I have been forthcoming with my situation, but I may have left out a few specifics along the way.  Kinda forgot to tell my doctor this, so they got the full punch to the gut, medical terms and all.  My dad also gave my oncologist a new term: “tougher’n a woodpecker’s lips”.

After we talked to the oncologist, we went up to Infusion on the 5th floor, where I was given a pager as though I was at the Cheesecake Factory. My parents waited for me to start buzzing, then we got a mini tour of the Infusion area.  I don’t know if past teachers of mine gave them a heads up or anything, but I got a corner room right next to the main nurses station.  I was also right next to the warm blanket station and bathroom, which came in super handy.  My cancer entourage which on this day consisted of my sister, Vicki, and Brandi all showed up at the same time, which meant it was time to kick my parents out.  I didn’t think they could handle the kind of partying we had in store.

Man, did these girls bring it.  My sister brought some serious Nurse Bait: Mexican Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I shot this offer down initially, but was told if you want to get on the nurses’ good sides, you bring chocolate.  It worked!  I think my nurse Amy was kind of sizing us up as we unpacked more than enough entertainment for the long infusion.  We had gossip magazines, teen rags sprayed with Justin Bieber, old Circus magazines for leather panted inspiration, and I think a Northwest Living or something  snuck its turtleneck-with-blazery self in as well.  And a major, I mean *major* celebrity guest joined us for the day:

We stuck Bret Michaels in the window facing the nurses station and waited for people to notice.  I’m sure our peeking around the curtain was totally inconspicuous.  So back to the chemo.  I am on a combination of different drugs, and I learned that they are not all mixed in one bag.  They are delivered at various points throughout the day, and each time they’re dropped off, two nurses have to verify with me who I am and when I was born.  Even Amy asked me my name several times.  She didn’t have amnesia, it was just procedure.

My first drug was Avastin, and it kind of needs its own guitar solo when you mention it it’s that cool.  My very unscientific definition of it is that tumors create a certain protein that signals my body to create more cells that the tumor then feeds off of.  Avastin blocks the protein the tumor gives off, cutting off the signal to make more cells, which eventually starves the tumor.  Sadly I only get this awesome drug this one time, but it sounds like everything else I’m on is a colon cancer bazooka anyway, so I’ll be okay.  After that was done, I got a bunch of little bags of everything else I couldn’t name, one at a time.  One of the drugs had to be given between two doses of electrolytes, which made me kind of queasy.  Amy to the rescue!  She gave me injections of anti nausea medication to counter it, but it was definitely those electrolytes that screwed me each time.  I now have a large arsenal of anti nausea pills at home, and I asked if I should bring them all in next time, but she shrugged and said “I’ve got them in injectable form, may as well get a quick fix and save your stash for later.”  I loved Amy.

One other nurse whose name escapes me was in to help a lot.  She reminded one of us of Liza Minelli and had a ton of insight on my various drugs.  She warned me one might cause relatively normal bleeding to turn into quite significant bleeding, like bloody noses, trouble shaving, bruising from just brushing against something.  I said “So what does that mean for the ladies during (gesture gesture)… Shark Week?”  My friends all just about died, but God love those nurses, they didn’t even blink and got totally excited about a challenge.  Liza left and came back to quickly report that nobody at the nurses station knew, so she had a message in to my oncologist’s nurse to ask around up there.  Oh yeah, I brought the trivia.

A sadness fell upon us later when discussing my future infusion days, which will now move to Tuesdays.  Amy only works Wednesdays and Thursdays, so we had to be brave and not get too attached.  She did say that the other nurses were already starting to fight over who would get me going forward.  I suggested some sort of Bachelor-y system where they could all vie for the honor of being my caregiver.  Sure enough, the girl with the coolest Nurse Dress came in shortly after to say hello.  I still liked Amy best though.  Or Liza.  As much as I would love to have Amy give me all my injections and be there to meet future celebrity guest cardboard cutouts, everyone at SCCA has been so fun I doubt I’ll get stuck with anyone who isn’t up for my shenanigans.

I got tired as the day went on and abandoned my guests for naps here and there.  Perhaps I was a bit ambitious with the full day date idea and drop ins will be the way to go for future infusions.  I totally partook in the Snack Station, they are down some delicious pasta salad, a string cheese or two, and a full on organic macaroni and cheese dinner.  That station is FULL of snacks and I just get to go for it!  I will try not to be such a mooch in the future and bring my own food, but that entire macaroni and cheese thing was quite thrilling.  Somehow I missed the point that I was hooked up to all kinds of fluids and was shocked at how often I ran to the bathroom, until the girls kindly pointed out to me what that machine I was dragging was doing.  The rest of the day is kind of foggy; I think I got out sometime around 9, and I know Vicki drove me home, but I don’t remember the ride at all or how I got into bed.  Yes, infusion day transportation other than in my own car will certainly be a must.

I think that covers the main excitement.  I’ll save my review of the To Go bag of chemo for another post, and welcome any suggestions for future celebrity cardboard puppet guests.  We will definitely resurrect Richard Simmons for a session, probably Oates, a little Tony Danza , Jackee from 227, maybe a little Bea Arthur.  We’re undecided as to whether Mel Gibson should show up so he can hurl insults at my tumor, might want to feel the nurses out a little more on that one.